How to tell your lover what you want.
Sharing your fantasies, even likes and dislikes, can be intimidating. We may be afraid that we'll be rejected or ashamed. We've all been there.
But the more we can express our desires, the higher both partners' satisfaction will be and the healthier the relationship.
That means finding mutual vulnerability.
Need a conversation starter? Start with a compliment and keep it flirty:
I really like it when you...
When you kiss me hard it makes me ...
When I hear this song it makes me want to...
Visualization can help. Find your fantasy on film. Any period piece on Netflix (Bridgerton) these days will do. ;)
I want to ___________ you like that.
What do you think I would do if you put your hand ___________. and _____________ me.
Watch your partner's reactions for clues on what excites them.
Pillow talk is different than dirty talk.
Before this becomes a raunchy Mad Libs for adults, we want to emphasize that this is about exploring yourself and your partner.
Don't get us wrong -- we are firm believers in the power of talking dirty to enhance sex and foreplay -- but it doesn't lead us to that holy grail of emotional intimacy.
Still too shy? Send a text asking, Guess what I'm thinking? Or, What do you want to do to me tonight?
Toys you're both familiar can be used to explore pleasure in new ways. Vibrators can stimulate more than a clitoris. We can think of a few male and female body parts that would enjoy a little play....
The one no-no for both partners -- judgement.
Even if you're not into it, be respectful of your lover's desires. Building trust takes an open mind and a willingness to try new things, or at least try something once. You don't know where some boundaries are until you find them.
Talk to me baby,
Megan & Alyssa